Please support pancreatic cancer research at: The Lustgarten Foundation and the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network .
Follow Dr. Pausch's journey at his personal website. It includes a Diane Sawyer ABC special about Dr. Pausch's journey with pancreatic cancer. It deals with many of the feelings encountered when you face a new life changing diagnosis and how to take back your life from your diagnosis. His webpage is the one I turn to for a good dose of self-embarrassment to kick my ass into gear. This blog is the result of one of those swift kicks.
As my illness has progressed and remitted, with every physical setback, I fall into the same grieving as when I first became ill. Dr. Pausch has not had the luxury of wasting all these self pity days like I have done. Who knows if any of us has that luxury?
Well, I have now publicly admitted that I am a real person, with a disability-that I feel sorry for myself. My public disability persona has never permitted the possibility of self pity. The media tells us that only brave, wonderful, inspiring people with disabilities are the norm. On any given day, we are just flawed people, like anyone else. I now believe my dishonest portrayal of the strong, stoic self has not benefited the newly diagnosed others, who think they cannot feel bad for their lot sometimes. So today, I admit it. I feel sorry for myself.
And Dr. Pausch's life is the best example I know to show the reality of this one life we get. I am much more passionate since I heard him speak. Just try to discuss politics and disability rights with me. I dare you! As John Mayer says, I am no longer "waiting on the world to change," I am changing it myself. If I don't, who will? But some days, on a much rarer basis, I still feel sorry for myself.
Dr. Pausch's website also includes an excellent lecture on time management. As a person with a chronic illness and disability, managing my time and energy determines my quality of life. Dr. Pausch has some excellent ideas in this lecture given at the University of Virginia.
Another available video is Dr. Pausch's famous "Last Lecture," given at his beloved Carnegie Mellon University. It is meaningful for those days when you feel like life is getting the best of you. It puts life, illness or disability, and death into a perspective that emphasizes embracing passionately what you can still do. It is also available in book form.
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